It seems like I have been thinking or more like contemplating a lot lately. Trust me sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it is not. Why do you say have I been doing all this lately? I have been wondering this myself. I honestly cannot say. It has been an emotional whitewater rafting ride down the Ocoee here in Tennessee. If anyone has ever been white water rafting, you know exactly what I am describing. You have those very peaceful, easy going parts of the water and then all of a sudden you have your guide yelling “row hard”, and then you have him say do y’all want to do it again and all of you are yelling YES! It has just been one of those last couple of weeks. Do I attribute it to the full moon last weekend, the comet NEOWISE, is it five retrograde planets, or is it just me? Who the hell knows?
It is weird when this happens. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue and you roll with the punches. Those ebbs and flows will subside. But boy when that tide comes in, it is like waves crashing or the rip tide pulling you out to sea. You learn to breathe and just swim with it. Life can be mysterious and scary and challenging and delightful all at the same time. You do not want to miss out on the good times or even bad times, but life also can be very scary, and you just want to become a turtle and go back inside your shell. You are afraid to open yourself up to new adventure; however, you know you must do it. I was telling a friend the other day that maybe I should say the hell with starting my own business and just stick to something I know which is nursing. This person told me that life is not pre-canned, and we cannot run from a difference but find mutual understanding. I did not really understand that last part until now. The pre-canned part is totally fact. Do you really want to live a pre-canned life where you never get any adventure? I most certainly do not.
Continuing with this pre-canned vs. free spirit dialogue, I have always felt I was a free spirit and do not like to conform to the norm. Another friend today told me that I needed to go back to that child-like innocence and just let whatever flow, flow. I have been told by many friends over the past few years that I needed to let that inner child back out again. But you know it is hard after having her “cooped up” for so long. But at this point in my life why should I even care. Is it because when I was in nursing school the first time around I was told by a nursing professor I was “flighty and a free spirit” and I squashed that at that time and never let her back out? Or is it due to other professors in school telling me “You’ll never make it as a nurse” and now wanting to go back to that person and say, “Look I have a PhD in Nursing.”
Whatever it may be that inner child/childlike Kim is going to come back out. Find yours. It is not going to hurt anyone but yourself. The emotional whitewater rafting ride will gradually come to that smooth part of the river and this girl will be better for it. I want to leave you with a quote that I heard from this crazy, thought-provoking book I have been listening to. And when it comes down to it, makes perfect sense of what I have been feeling. The quote is by Robert Kennedy and it is this: “There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why…I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?” For I have dreamed of things that were not and asked why not! So, what is your why not?