Do you ever wonder why you are here? Why God or whoever/whatever you believe in placed you on this planet at this particular time?
It’s an age-old question that I believe each of us have asked ourselves at least once in our life. I continue to ask myself this question every day. What is it I am supposed to be doing? Am I doing what I was sent here to do? Most days I do not know if what I am doing is what I was sent here to do. I do know there is a purpose for me being here, but what is that….
As I sit here in my little apartment at my most recent travel contract watching it rain, I begin to wonder anew as to what that purpose is. When I get this way, there are a couple songs I tend to listen to that makes me “THINK.” One of those songs is by Dougie Maclean called Caledonia. I think the song is really about Scotland, but it always makes me think of what is life holding for me. The song talks about changes and stories he is telling about where he came from. That Caledonia is calling to him. Calling him home and he will disappear and go home. I have to say that I felt that way when I went to Scotland and Ireland last summer. I have always felt a part of me is missing and while there my soul became whole again. My soul sang when it was there. But I digress. Another song that always makes me “THINK” is a song that when I was studying for my Holistic Nurse certification my teacher played for me. That song is by Libby Roderick “How Could Anyone”. This song to me is about loving oneself and knowing that you are “beautiful.” Beautiful in all aspects…not just outward beauty. Look both these songs up if you’ve never heard them and REALLY listen to them.
So, getting back to wondering what/why I am here. Maybe it is to give inspiration to those that need it most. Maybe it is to be a mentor to other nurse coaches or to other nurses. Maybe it is just to be ME. Many of my friends have told me they live vicariously through me. They tell me that I am not afraid to just “go.” Oh, but those people don’t know what hides in the shadows. They don’t realize that I am afraid, but have decided to overcome that and go. Life is too short to live in fear. It is too short to not go out and do things.
Maybe I have learned this over the many years of being a nurse and specifically a hospice nurse. Maybe it relates to the many heartaches I have had in the past. But have pushed through those heartaches and learned to love no matter what and to continue on. Why sit in pity and sorrow when I can help so many people learn to love, transition, move forward. Maybe I have become desensitized to things. I do not know. I know that my purpose in life is still being learned and developed and cultivated and nurtured to be the best that I can be.
I am here and I hear and see you. Know that we all have a purpose in life. We all have that WHY and WHAT! Some of us know and some of us are still trying to figure it out. For me, I am still figuring it out and probably will until the moment I take my last breath.